The Palomino Club Blog

Sex product maker burglarized over holiday weekend

June 2, 2017  |   8:08 am

Memorial Day is a time of somber remembrance for many families across America. For others, it is a day to reflect on the sacrifices others have made for the country. And for others still, it is a reason to go out and celebrate our fallen heroes. Whether it’s going down to a local bar for drinks and food, or a trip to a Las Vegas strip club, people have their own ways to honor the fallen and those still standing. And for a very small number of us, Memorial Day weekend is also a time to steal sex product out of a local LELO warehouse.

Specifically, steal 30,000 HEX condoms, 33 HUGO remote-controlled prostate massagers, and 48 Kegel beads. To quote the LELO website’s blog: “WHAT KIND OF PARTY ARE THESE PEOPLE HAVING.” If we may suggest, perhaps thieves confused ‘patriotic’ and ‘pornographic’. An honest mistake that led to less-than-honest driving a rental car into your warehouse door. These things happen.

If you’re in the market to steal sex product, you can’t deny the thieves have great taste.  LELO has been responsible for increased revenues in  the flagging sex toy industry. They’re well known for high quality product lines for people willing to spend the cash on a remote-operated vibrator.

Sex Product Theft: A Not-So-Sexy Play in Two Parts

LELO’s Las Vegas warehouse was struck twice by decidedly not wet bandits. The first penetration into private property was Friday, May 27. Two men found the gates to properly protected pleasure paradoxically unguarded around 10:45 p.m., and allowed themselves into the warehouse through a back entrance. When they left the way they arrived, they left with over 30,000 HEX brand condoms.

The next day, at 9:30 in the morning, a white SUV was backed into the the warehouse’s loading dock. This daring thrust broke through the sliding door and the SUV’s rear window simultaneously, allowing one of the thieves to load boxes of sex product into the vehicle. It is not known if these were the same thieves from the night before. If the same men double-teamed the same warehouse twice, we have to wonder what the hell they did with all those condoms. Unless they were extremely motivated or creative, it’s pretty doubtful they managed to use them all up in post-theft sex.

I mean how the hell would they even be awake for round two after over 15 thousand rounds with each other? (Let’s assume maximum durability and quality of the product here.)

LELO reaches out to seek justice

The boxes of butt plugs and Kegel beads were the big ticket items in this sex product theft, totaling over $10,000 dollars. The Las Vegas police department has begun it’s own investigation into the matter, but LELO has made a public statement about the theft. They say that any one who provides information leading to the capture of the thieves will see a reward: the charity they select will receive a donation equal to the retail value lost product.

Ironically, the thieves could have at least gotten the condoms for free without resorting to B&E. LELO was going to be giving away HEX condoms for free a few days after the thefts took place. Perhaps the torrid love affair hinted at by LELO’s blogger could have started off without the threat of jail time hanging over their heads.